Life Is Messy

Recently, I heard this phrase.

The road to perfection is paved in disappointment. What's important in life - love, family, community - is messy. Life is messy!

I had to hurry and write it down because it struck me right between the eyes. While I don't believe anyone can achieve perfection, I strive towards excellence. So what's the harm in doing that? Shouldn't we all strive for excellence? Yes and No.

Being excellent in our daily tasks is a much-needed character trait in both career and personal lives. We should never be satisfied with sloppy work without putting in our best efforts. Don't take the exam unless you've studied well. Turning in a report without proofreading is never a good idea. Don't just sweep the dirt onto the rug/carpet and not vacuum. And rinsing a dish or cup is not washing it. To some, these examples may seem like a "duh" statement, but you would be surprised! Excellence should be a major part of how we live our lives. That is unless we tend to lean towards perfectionism.

According to the dictionary, perfectionism is a propensity for being displeased with anything that is not perfect or does not meet extremely high standards. Psychology Today says, "Perfectionism is a trait that makes life an endless report card on accomplishments or looks." So while being excellent in everything we do, this does not mean we are perfect. When we place high expectations on ourselves, we can also extend that to family, friends, and coworkers. This mindset will always take us on the road to disappointment. We must allow ourselves and others to make mistakes, make an error in judgment, and have an off day. How else are we supposed to learn to do things better? As long as we know we've done the best we could and come to the table with pure intentions and motivation, we cannot hold ourselves or others to unrealistic expectations. We live, we learn, we move forward.

If we live life in reality, we will extend grace until continued ill behavior warrants otherwise. Discipline cannot come until we first extend grace. I remember when I was raising my children, and I often used this phrase - First-time Obedience. I didn't get it right every time. Sometimes, I would forget that for a first time to obey, there had to be a first time to disobey. You cannot give discipline without explaining the rules. This is where perfectionist leadership goes wrong. We expect there to be zero errors without providing instructions. Once the expectation (realistic) is clearly communicated, we have a benchmark for discipline. But we must also remain consistent with ourselves and others. In other words, practice what you preach.

I am often frustrated by posts or comments on social media that aren't consistent with how someone is truly living. We can preach love, forgiveness, and Godly living, but our words are white noise if we can't control our harsh tongue, hold grudges, or disregard integrity. Another way of saying it is we are a sounding brass or tinkling cymbal. Words without actions have no meaning and carry no weight to someone else. We must hold ourselves accountable to be consistent with the expectation we've set in motion. We cannot create an atmosphere where we live and talk one way but expect others to do differently. You cannot sow apple seeds and expect oranges. It would be best if you always sowed what you intend to reap.

Life is messy. Humans are messy. There will be bad days, off days, angry days, sick days, and sorrowful days. But if we treat those as opportunities for lessons to be learned instead of giving up on ourselves or others, we will grow and be one step closer to a victorious destination. We can turn the bad into good, off to on, angry into happy, sick to well, and sorrowful into joyful, all with a choice. We have full freedom to respond with grace, to offer encouragement, and to lead well. We need to choose. When we are honest with ourselves and vulnerable with others, these choices will lend themselves. When we are deceived into believing we can strive toward perfection, choices for grace and compassion become difficult.

So today, allow the messy. Give yourself room to be human. Then transfer that outward and watch as life transforms.

Until Next Time,

DJ