The Vision Test

I've begun, written, erased, and begun anew with this post numerous times. It's been challenging to express what I want to share without it sounding desperate or self-serving. That was until this morning. This entire week, I've experienced very peculiar dreams; not nightmares or even "pizza-dreams". Just the type where you sense they have significance, but can't quite decipher it. My last dream last night brought everything into focus.

This week, I've dreamed of marrying a prince, spending time with a well-known celebrity, having an incredible time, and being with my first love. When I woke up this morning, I thought, "I wish I had seen you sooner and told you." It wasn't about seeing him physically; it was about understanding who he truly was. That's when all my dreams from the week made sense to me. But first, let me share this story with you.

My first love began when I was about 5 years old. I know it sounds early, but I called him my boyfriend until high school, even though we never officially dated. Unless you consider our middle-school to 10th-grade make-out sessions behind the church's maintenance shed as dating. Eventually, he stopped going to church, and I moved on. Whenever we crossed paths, my heart would race whenever I was near him, but I never shared this with him. We reconnected after my divorce, and by then, his life choices had taken a toll on him, but I still saw him as the same handsome, kind, and funny guy I had grown up loving. I spent time at his house, cooking, laughing, and just being there. He was caring for his mom, who had dementia, and their bond was incredible. We would all joke around to make her laugh. She often asked if I was single, and I'd reply, "Yes." She would point to him and suggest we get married. I'd say, "One day, we just may." Deep down, I knew it was unlikely because I didn't know if he felt the same way about me. I never told him how I felt. A few days later, as I was leaving his house, he walked me out and said, "I don't have anything I could ever offer you." He didn't need to elaborate; I understood. I held his face and assured him it was okay. I loved him regardless. That day, he told me he loved me and kissed me sweetly. He realized in that moment that I saw him, truly saw him. A few weeks later, he passed away. A massive heart attack led to a fatal fall. I was in Kenya when I received the news, and by the time I returned, all his belongings were gone except for a work shirt, which became my favorite for lounging around the house. Mourning him was hard, not because he finally said those three words, but because I never encouraged him to reach his potential when we were young. He wanted to play the drums at church, but he was never allowed to. What if someone had recognized his passion for music and encouraged him? What if, when drums were finally accepted, he had been invited to play? Instead, he was overlooked and was deeply wounded. I'm not blaming Christianity for this; I'm blaming people, including myself.

It is crucial to take the time to truly see people, not just as they present themselves, but as they genuinely are beneath their facades. We all wear masks to conceal something—perhaps fear of rejection, past wounds, or pride. However, when someone truly sees us for who we are, it is liberating. I experienced this a few times in 2025. It felt like a comforting embrace, providing a safe space to be myself. No agendas. No expectations. Just authenticity. The issue we often face as humans is that we view others through biased perspectives, preconceived notions, and judgmental attitudes shaped by their circumstances. Sadly, these views are 90% inaccurate and lead people to retreat further behind protective barriers.

In today's world, expressing our true selves can be challenging, as our words, beliefs, and convictions might put us at risk. We are in a distressing period in the United States, when meaningful conversation is no longer possible. Therefore, it's crucial to look beyond barriers and discover the value in one another. Seek the good, the noble, and the kind. Look beyond what people project and understand their needs and their true essence.

I've found it challenging to write this because it's something I deeply need yet also find hard to give. I want to be seen, but am I seeing those around me? I enjoy receiving invitations to hangouts or celebrations, but do I extend the same invitations? Do I let others past the defenses I've built, or am I content to stay within my own bubble? I'm sure many people feel the same way but are hesitant to admit it. Well, I've established a safe space now. It's 2026. It's time to alter our behavior patterns and step out of our comfort zones. Reach out, offer a hand, give a hug, and send that invitation. We might be surprised by what we discuss in 2027 because of these actions.

Hope you join me!

Until Next Time,

DJ