Why Do We Listen?

So much has happened lately, not just in my life, but in the world. Life can be so overwhelming that you want to escape and stay in a quiet cocoon. This is where I have been until this morning, when a scripture from 1 Samuel 24 caught my attention. The story is from when King Saul was chasing David to kill him. Over and over, David had opportunities to avenge himself and kill, capture, or injure King Saul, but he never did. Today, the portion of the story I was reading was when Saul relieved himself in the very cave where David and his men were hiding. His men urged him to take down the enemy, but David just cut off a corner of Saul's robe. Immediately, he had regret because he recognized that Saul was the King and had been anointed by God. He refused to lay a hand on someone chosen by God. Once Saul had left the cave, David and his men followed. He called out to the King and bowed with his face to the earth in homage. What he said next is what caught my attention, and I realized it was time to put thoughts to words.

"Why do you listen to the words of men who say, 'Behold, David seeks your harm'?" 1 Samuel 24:9 ESV

Why do you listen to the words of men.... That is what continues to cycle through my mind. How many times have we listened to advice from others we knew in our gut was wrong, but still followed anyway? Or, so overwhelmed by financial issues, we fall prey to scams. Or allowed ourselves to go down the social media rabbit hole, getting caught up in whatever drama is happening, believing it as fact, declaring it as fact, and then the truth reveals it to be false. Why do we continue to listen?

For me, it's a continual battle to believe in myself and have the confidence that I can make the right decisions; I can do research; I am smart enough. The mind is truly a battlefield and can be a scary or dangerous place. Of course, I am 100% in favor of having trusted resources, advisors, and confidantes. Having a strong community to surround yourself with is vital to surviving this crazy world. The biggest issue is ensuring we have the right community, the best advisors, and trustworthy confidants. Many times, we allow loyalty to override what is best for us.

We must remain vigilant about who and what we allow into our community to avoid three distinct traps. The first is the comparison trap, which we often fall into and find challenging to escape. Our confidence in making the right decisions is frequently measured against the choices others make in their lives. Relying on others for information and accepting it as unbiased can foster false belief systems and a mindset built on deception. Constantly using others' actions, words, or lifestyles as benchmarks for our own can lead to unmet expectations and heartbreak, potentially resulting in depression.

The second trap is the manipulation trap, a subtle and deceptive challenge. Often, we don't recognize we're being manipulated until we're free from it. Having once been a manipulator myself, I'm well-acquainted with these tactics and remain vigilant about my words and actions so I don't repeat past behaviors. When decisions are made based on someone else's criteria rather than your own desires or best interests, manipulation is likely at play. For instance, if I make a mistake and shift the blame onto someone else, that's manipulation. If I induce guilt in someone for making a choice different from mine, I'm manipulating the situation. Applying emotional pressure to influence someone to do or buy something is another form of manipulation. The most insidious form occurs when the truth is distorted to fit a specific narrative or agenda, omitting key facts to spin a story. If you're not alert, you might accept this skewed version as reality. Any contradiction is met with a highly personal and combative communication style, wielding manipulation with full force.

Finally, the last trap is evil intent. While we might think we can easily identify it, it's challenging to accept that someone close to us could harbor malicious motives or engage in calculated sabotage with a specific goal in mind. Trust your instincts in these situations. If something feels wrong or off, take a step back to assess the entire situation or consult a trusted friend for guidance. This trap is particularly insidious because it is highly deceptive. I'm not talking about violent behavior or angry outbursts. This occurs when someone has deliberate, malicious intentions but cloaks them in manipulation. You may find yourself doubting your sanity or intelligence, feeling as though you can't follow directions or understand situations. They will stop at nothing to control every outcome to suit their desires, regardless of the cost.

This brings me back to my original question: why do we continue to listen? We must learn to discern the truth for ourselves, free from bias and emotion. We need to stay vigilant and avoid falling into traps. Above all, it's essential to remain true to ourselves and not let others dictate our identity. We are created with purpose, endowed with unique skills, a remarkably complex brain, and the capability to achieve whatever we set our minds to. Never allow anyone to bury the light of your potential under the bushel of their expectations! You are intelligent enough. You are good. You are enough!

Until Next Time,

DJ